Love Island Australia hit our shores last Sunday and there’s quite a bit to unpack.
Without further ado, here’s a ~quick~ rundown of what you might’ve missed from this week’s shenanigans.

So, who are the originals Islanders in order to most interesting to least interesting.

Erin: The pocket rocket nurse from Melbourne who low-key has an an annoying voice but we like her anyway because she cares about her friends and girl code and respect that.

Natasha: Tash is only 24 and already owns her own beauty salon, has dated millionaires and has *ALLEGEDLY* hooked up with the Biebs but *ALLEGEDLY* can’t confirm it because she signed a non-disclosure… Talk about #GOALS.

Eden: A lad’s lad prison officer from Sydney.

Tayla: Our favourite amateur boxer / beauty queen from Perth. She represented good ol’ Western Australia as a finalist for Miss Universe 2015 and doesn’t trust mean… Can we really blame her though?  

Grant: I had written a little bio for Grant before shit unravelled so I’ll include both versions.
Original: Super sweet sparky (read: electrician) from Canberra. Might look tough but he seems to be on the Island for all the right reasons and he’s a bit of a softie.
Updated version: Public enemy number 1. Do. Not. Trust. Him.

Justin: BAAAAAAAAE!!! Everyone I’ve spoken to IRL is as in love with Justin as I am but surprisingly none of the girls on the island are into him *thinking face emoji*

Cassidy: Cassidy, sweet, trusting, loyal Cassidy. We’ve got a sweet spot for this country gal and we’re hoping the she ditches Grant for some hunk.

Charlie: 22-year-old rugby player who looks no older than 19.

Josh: Yeah not must to say about Josh hey.

Millie: Puppy lover and all-round girl-next-door from Sydney. We’re yet to see her wild side but we’re hoping to soon because she’s a teeny tiny bit boring.

As for the newbies:

Kim: 21-year-old hottie from the sunshine state (no, we’re not talking about Florida)

John-James: Globetrotting (? We’re going to need confirmation of this) DJ from Melbourne and resident dad of the villa since he’s the only one over 30.

Elias: Part-time model and full-time romantic from Melbourne with hair that deserves to be on a Fanola commercial and who the other guys have non-affectionally nicknamed as Tarzan.

The events, in some kind of order:
- All the boys look like your typical blokes (sans Justin and Elias) and the ladies are LOVING it
- The voice over guy is kinda, sorta, really annoying

- Sophie Monk kept making jokes about her failed relationships and ngl, it’s kinda awks

- Erin and Millie are the first of the girls to start drama with each other because Millie kissed Eden during a game of ‘truth or dare’ and had the GALL not to look at Erin for permission (unlike Tayla) because she doesn’t understand girl code

- GRANT IS A SNAKE!!!! Okay, bear with me as I unpack this. If we were to pick who the prime f*ckboy of the villa was prior to the drama, Grant would be sitting between Charlie and Josh on the list so it was a complete surprise to me when he was trying to get with Tayla while he was WITH Cassidy AND THE MOST FRUSTRATING THING IS THAT THEY BOTH FORGAVE HIM????!!!! He didn’t just lie to them, he lied to me and I don’t like to feel bamboozled so he’s officially cancelled. Grant, like his last name, is full of crap.

- Josh and Tayla didn’t have a spark so he swerved her to get with new girl Kim only to get curved because she’s not picking up what he’s putting down

- Tay wasn’t single for long because in walks two brunette guys who could each feature on the cover of a less prestigious equivalent to GQ

- We found out that Elias i friends with fellow male model Justin because DUH!!! but so far he’s not really on anyone’s radar. New guy John-James (yes, he has a two first names as one hyphenated first name) is on Millie AND Tash’s radars so they’re both fighting for his affection… which is kinda surprising because he’s very, very, very boring.

That’s pretty much it. Have we missed anything? DM us and tell us your favourite moment. Don’t forget you can catch our weekly updates every Friday! In the meantime, you can catch Love Island Australia at 8:30 every Sunday to Thursday.